Will Perfect Ever Be Enough?

Much like the hero’s journey, we’ve all known defeat in our lifetimes.

At one point or another, our fate has rested in the hands of adversaries.

For some, it’s people. For others, it’s specific circumstances.

Much like the hero’s journey, we’ve all known defeat in our lifetimes.

And if you’re anything like me, the most devastating of them all is when it’s at your own hands.

For all this talk about defeat, I’m reminded of Sun Tzu’s, “know thy enemy and know yourself; in a hundred battles, you will never be defeated”.

But what if they’re one and the same?

Then what?

We are our own worst enemies, and yet somehow, in a hundred battles against oneself, you face defeat. In a hundred battles against one’s fears, doubts, insecurities, judgements, criticism — in one’s pursuit of perfection — you constantly face defeat.

It’s in those moments of absolute devastation that we’re faced with our imperfections.

It’s in those moments of absolute devastation that our humanity shines through — a beacon of warning. Drawing attention to all that’s wrong. All that falls short. All that’s never enough — no matter how hard you try. It’s just never enough.

In your defeat, your humanity — the very essence of your being — becomes the bane of your existence.

But it’s still your existence nonetheless.

For all the imperfections you’re haunted by, they’re still yours nonetheless.

**

We have a tendency of putting people up on pedestals, out of reverence.

Usually, it’s people we’re inspired by; people we aspire to be more like.

So up they go, on that pedestal, in our mind’s eye.

Who wouldn’t want to be admired?

Who wouldn’t want to be held in such high regard?

It’s quite an honor. It’s also quite a lonely place to be.

Because up on that pedestal, you’re at a distance.

Up at that height, you’re perpetuating separation.

And how can anyone possibly reach you there?

**

I’ve been guilty of putting people up on pedestals — to the detriment of my peace of mind.

I’ve also been one such person placed on a pedestal.

And while such moments have offered me reprieve from my inner critic, they’ve also felt terrifying. Because when I’m placed so high up, so far from reach, what’s the point of trying to reach me? Why bother? Instead of pushing the limits of one’s comfort zones to meet me, better to make use of the separation; better to tap into the distance to tap out.

For all the imperfections I’m haunted by, it’s others’ projections of perfection that plague me.

**

Perfection has been weighing on my mind as of late and as such, perfection in all its forms, has been coming up in conversations — left, right and center.

How to mold oneself into a perfect person.

Correction, into the perfect person.

And so the pressure starts to build, in the process of molding yourself into someone who’s enough.

Smart enough. Thin enough.

Pretty enough. Funny enough.

Successful enough. Talented enough.

If you’re not perfect enough, then you’re not worthy.

Is it of others’ love and acceptance? Or is it of your own?

You could be surrounded by people who are constantly showering you with love and acceptance. You could be surrounded by people who are carrying that love for you when you haven’t got the strength to carry it yourself. But if you’ve closed yourself off to receiving that love and acceptance from yourself — first and foremost — then it doesn’t matter how many times people shout from the rooftops that you’re worthy. You’ll still cling to the faintest whisper in the deepest, darkest corners of your mind that says you aren’t.

**

For all this talk about perfection, I’m reminded of a scene from Young Sheldon, where Sheldon reflects on the precise and delicate balance of forces in the universe. He says, ’Did you know that if gravity were slightly more powerful, the universe would collapse into a ball? … Also, if gravity were slightly less powerful, the universe would fly apart and there would be no stars or planets. … Gravity is precisely as strong as it needs to be. And if the ratio of the electromagnetic force to the strong force wasn’t one percent, life wouldn’t exist.’

Following that logic, if you were a little less or a little more; if your ratio were any different than it currently is, you would not exist. For all your imperfections, you are perfect as you are, otherwise, you would not exist. Do you realize how precisely and delicately in balance you are with the forces of the universe, just as you are?

And so, when you look at yourself from the grander scheme of things, does that voice in your head — the one convincing you to feel threatened because someone else is better looking, smarter, more hardworking, or more of a baller than you — really matter?

Would you rather keep chasing someone else’s version of perfect, or feel at peace with your own version of it?

**

You alone have to live with the decisions you make. No one else.

You alone must live with the consequences of your choices — for better or for worse.