Everyone’s Boring These Days
A while ago, I’d read a thread talking about how people stopped being interesting. In our attempt to fit in, we’ve become a bland version of ourselves.
It was an interesting take which inspired me to write ‘The Era of the Copy-Pasted Personality’ and one that even now, I can’t help but think about. About how we long for connection, for a sense of belonging so much so that we’d sacrifice our sense of self for the sake of feeling like there’s room for us somewhere.
And I don’t mean to sound bleak in saying that. Quite the opposite. Understanding what drives us and having a clearer idea of the picture in our mind’s eye that we’re longing to recreate snaps us out of autopilot and back into the driver’s seat of our own lives. Reminding us that we have a little something called free will that we can exercise.
Not too long ago, a version of this topic came up in conversation. Talking about how boring and predictable people are these days and how difficult it is to shed that skin and realign with your sense of self, if you ever had one that is. So much of our lives have been spent doing our utmost to fit in, so much so that most of us can’t tell whether we enjoy something because we enjoy it or because we’ve been convinced and Stockholm Syndrome-d into believing we enjoy it. (This is a generalization and dramatization for the purpose of getting my point across).
Who are you outside of work? What do you like to do when you’re not doing what you have to be doing? What brings you joy and lights you up just by simply doing it? If you have the answers, consider yourself extremely lucky. If you don’t, consider yourself extremely lucky because not having the answer now is your first step towards finding your own answers (instead of having the answers others have prepared for you). If you don’t have the answers (for now), you’re not alone in this, as hard as that might be to believe especially because it does in fact seem as though everyone has theirs figured out. It does seem as though everyone has dominated this thing called the human experience and if you haven’t, then you must be doing something wrong; you must be at some competitive disadvantage; the universe must be conspiring against you. It’s frighteningly easy to slip into a feeling of isolation and separation which is why I will reiterate this: you are NOT the only one unsure of themselves.
But this is where it gets fun because now you get to play. You get to experiment and trial and error your way into discovering who you are outside of what you (have to) do.
I’ve read that in adulthood, you have an opportunity for a homecoming. That all the different hobbies and interests you had as a child lie in wait for you; a beacon to light your way back to yourself.
This has been true for me. Eerily so! I can’t tell whether the dots connected before, after, or around the same time as I read that, but it all clicked regardless. I realized that over the years, no matter how often or how long I stray from them, I always find myself coming back to certain — let's call them — harbingers of joy. And when I do find my way back to them, it feels more right than ever before, as if I needed the confirmation from lived experience of trying something else.
You can pursue something for the sake of that thing alone. Not every hobby needs to be monetized. Not every interest has to serve an end (financial) goal. You don’t even have to do it every single day for it to count as a hobby or interest. The intention can be the experience itself. That is reason enough. That is purpose enough.
Back to that conversation I referenced earlier: people are boring. How does one break that cycle?
I firmly believe that everyone ought to have 3 different types of hobbies (some might cross over between different categories):
Creative (for the heart): an outlet for self expression; creating something out of nothing. Examples include writing, painting, pottery, cooking, dance, photography, singing, crochet.
Intellectual (for the mind): stimulating your brain by challenging yourself, learning something new, using your brain differently or different parts of your brain. Examples include reading, puzzles, chess, a new language, online courses about topics that interest you, podcasts that you could learn from, documentaries about topics you’re curious about.
Physical (for the body): this one goes without saying. Examples include yoga, pilates, strength training, running, swimming, tennis, MMA, cycling, dance. Find what feels right and good for you.
What about spiritual? Find your 3 first. Because when you do, and when you’re in the zone of any one of those three, that in and of itself is a spiritual experience. Not to sound too philosophical, but the entirety of our human experience is a spiritual experience.
There are so many different experiences out there waiting for you.
In trying some of these new things (or maybe picking up what you’d put down a lifetime ago), not only will you learn something new, but you’ll learn new things about yourself.
Your confidence. Your resilience. Your bravery. Your willingness. Your courage. While feeling the doubts and fears that come with stepping outside your comfort zone, rather than waiting for them to subside because honestly, they never will. You just get better at reaching for the dial to turn their volume down.
You don’t have to do it all at the same time either. Find a rhythm that works for you. Find a timetable that works for you. And watch as your quality of life improves.
But for the love of God, just do it.
