The Era of the Copy-Pasted Personality

In a world where we lose — and ultimately mistake ourselves for the roles we play — an identity crisis is inevitable. We are the actor mistaking himself for the role, who, when the curtain calls, is unable to leave the character behind.

When you leave a job, relationship, or specific situation in which you’ve invested so much — if not the entirety — of your sense of self and worth, all of a sudden you’re the actor unable to separate himself from the role he plays on stage.

And this is typically when the identity crisis hits.

“I don’t know who I am outside of this relationship”.

“I don’t know who I am without my 9-5 job”.

I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what I like. I don’t know what I stand for.

Outside of what I think I should — or have been told I should — like, do, and believe.

Nowadays, everyone is so quick to label themselves within a certain category as if who they are should be implied given the label they’re so loudly bearing.

The era of self-diagnosing and chasing the latest trend has ushered in the age of self-abandonment — not with a bang, but with a whisper.

And we’re left with a people who no longer hold themselves accountable for their lives. Who’ve thrown in the towel and stopped trying altogether. Who, instead, are searching for shortcuts. Who are outsourcing the work of being human.

We’ve replaced archetypes with aesthetics.

We’ve gone from seeking the meaning in our lives — in the depth, purpose, and nuance of becoming.

To wanting to fit into an Instagram or TikTok trope.

Is it laziness?

Does it stem from a need to belong? A way to bridge a sense of disconnect?

To feel a sense of community? A sense of kinship?

Or is it all just “for the vibes”?

Are we all copy pasting ourselves into different versions of the same personality because we’re longing to feel seen? Is that why we’re looking for a common denominator, a connecting factor, to just get one foot in?

Longing for a sense of community is human nature. We’re wired for connection. We’re wired for each other — to each other. But it’s such a fine and delicate line we’re walking between connecting and abandoning. It’s a temporary solution, a little hit whose withdrawals will hit so much worse because it’ll feel like it’s just another avenue of connecting that failed you. It’s just another way you put yourself out there and it didn’t unfold the way you’d hoped and so the problem must be you, right? You’re the common denominator after all.

You assume that just because someone else is enjoying doing something, that if you do the same thing, you’re going to feel the same way. You’re going to have the same emotional experiences. You’re going to find the ever-elusive joy, fulfillment, and pleasure just because you see others have found it. If it works for them then it must work for you too.

It seems to me that people are lost and they don’t know how to do the work to find themselves, so instead, are looking for shortcuts by latching onto how others have seemingly ‘found’ themselves. “If it worked for others then there must be something to it and if I stick with it long enough then surely, I’ll find myself. Surely I’ll achieve some sort of enlightenment about who I am, why I am the way that I am, what I enjoy, etc.”

You want to know how to really find yourself?

Start by being honest with yourself. Are you here just for the vibes or are you here because you want to find something; a community, a safe space, and ultimately yourself?

Once you’ve gotten that out of the way, just keep putting yourself out there. Trial and error, experiment, process of elimination, and repeat.

Except, where you once were unconscious, unaccountable, and uninspired about it, dare to approach it differently. You’re on a mission now so be courageous about it. Be conscious. Be intentional. Be creative. Be inspired. Hold yourself accountable throughout. If you’re being lazy, own it. If you’re being proactive, own it.

In the age of cultural micro-identities, all we really want is to belong.

In the age of Pilates and matcha girlies; breath work and cold plunge bros; run clubs and book clubs; all we really want is to understand and be understood. To see and be seen. To do this human thing a little bit better — together.